Science of love | Sunday Observer

Science of love

25 June, 2023

There are many young and not-so-young men and women who are seeking life partners in many parts of the world. Some people are lucky to meet their perfect partners quite early in their lives.

Psychologists have done much research to find out why some people have failed to find their mates. They have scientifically proven ways to increase your chances of finding your dream girl or prince charming. However, some scientific findings go against romantic notions popularised by fiction writers who always try to prove that opposites attract or absence makes the hearts grow fonder.

Those who are looking for their perfect partners should remember certain basic facts. For instance, most of us like to meet people like us. We usually do not wish to meet our opposites.

If you are musically inclined, you will meet people with similar interests. Common interests, values and beliefs create bonds between people. Some of us even gravitate towards people who like us physically. Eminent scientist Sir Francis Galton has confirmed the fact that there are resemblances between spouses.

Love Affair

Most people who still remain single may not have declared their love to anyone. If you find someone who fancies you, declare your love. This is the simple beginning of a love affair. If you remain silent, nothing will happen. Remember the fact that if someone admires you, it makes you feel good about yourself. That is why we are usually attracted to those who flatter us. Unfortunately, some people do not like those who flatter them. Flattery is an initial way of declaring your love. If you do not love someone, you do not flatter them.

If you wish to find a life partner, try to maintain eye contact with members of the opposite sex. A young doctor in his early 40s is still unable to look at a woman’s eyes directly. Even love at first sight begins with your eyes. Prospective partners usually lock eyes upon meeting someone they love. If the person you look at has dilated pupils, it is the single most attractive physical attribute. Research suggests that people select life partners with larger pupils. It has been scientifically proven that enlarged pupils are a clear signal of intense arousal.

Sometimes, you will find it difficult to express your love due to excitement. On such occasions, fall back on body language. You can understand people using non-verbal signs. This can be a preening gesture. Girls usually play with their hair when they wish to express their love. If you wish to know more about the subject, read Allan Pease’s The Definitive Guide to Body Language.

The author says female preening gestures include exposing vulnerable areas of the body such as the wrists, neck or legs. Princess Diana made use of such gestures in the presence of men she liked.

As a premier flirt she even crossed her legs, which is a powerful preening gesture. Men are equally good at such preening gestures. Pop star Michael Jackson was well-known for crotch display with his fingers pointing at the genitals.

If you are looking for a perfect partner, always look smart. Dress well and use perfumes sparingly. Both men and women love to associate with good-looking people. They think such people are sexier and more successful than others. According to evolutionary social scientists, men prefer younger women with long hair and appropriate hip measurements. On the other hand, women prefer older men because they are likely to have the financial resources to maintain a family.

Rule of proximity

People usually fall in love with those living close by. It may be that they are some of your schoolmates, officemates or even neighbours. The simple rule is proximity. You are attracted to the people living close to you. If you fall in love with someone in the neighbourhood, you will meet them very often. Repeated exposure is beneficial to promote the relationship. This is the very reason why we fall in love with some of our classmates or schoolmates.

When you select a partner, you should avoid comparison. Your partner may not be as good-looking as your favourite film star. Many love affairs end up in disaster when you find your partner is not equal to someone you admire. Never compare your partner with celluloid heroes. Your partner is another human being with different looks and attributes. Respect them for what they are.

After reading William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, you may believe in love at first sight. In fact, love can spring at first sight. Sometimes relationships based on intense feelings at first sight may not last long. However, the fact remains that when you are aroused in the presence of a potential partner, you will find them very attractive. Everything depends on how you react to your partner.

Social gatherings

Some people try to find their ideal partner at weddings or other social gatherings. A drunken man is less choosy when it comes to selecting a partner. They say girls get prettier at closing time of pubs. When you are drunk, you will find any woman attractive. Some men get married to such women, but their marriages usually do not last long.

When you are in love, you have to keep your partner happy. Never visit stressful places such as prisons or hospitals with your partner. Select beautiful places such as river banks, beaches, orchards or valleys where everything looks beautiful. When you are in such a place, you naturally imbue the associated glow of nature.

Some people choose life partners from marriage proposals published in newspapers. If you read such marriage proposals, you will realise that gender differences are reflected in the wording of such advertisements. Those placed by women or their parents emphasize the age and good looks.

The classified advertisements inserted by men emphasize their financial resources. While there are good-looking men and women in society, there are also Plain Janes and penniless men. Plain Janes are usually warm-hearted women and penniless men might turn out to be loyal husbands. So, they will not find it difficult to find ideal partners.

To be successful in your relationship, you have to remember that love has different seasons. Sometimes love flows easily and automatically. At other times, it requires effort to maintain your relationship. Most of the time, our hearts are full of love, but at other times they are empty. Therefore, we cannot expect our partners to be loving souls all the time. After marriage, we are not innocent children learning how to have successful relationships.

However, we have been conditioned by our parents and teachers what to expect in life. Therefore, we have to find a new meaning of love. If you are thoroughly frustrated with your partner, remember that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. If you can understand the differences meaningfully, you will lead a happy life.

[email protected]