Nail-biting romantic affairs | Sunday Observer

Nail-biting romantic affairs

27 November, 2022

When Bill Clinton was the President of the United States, an American magazine published an unusual cartoon about him. The cartoon depicted Clinton sitting at a table with the ‘IN’ tray full of affairs! Clinton is not alone when it comes to nail-biting romantic affairs. Most married men and women have had affairs at certain stages of their marriages.

Rex (not his real name) was a happily married executive. One day he drove his car aimlessly reminiscing the first day he met his wife-to-be, her first kiss, grand wedding and moving into their dream house. After about five years of the marriage, certain incidents made his heart sink. His wife had discovered he was having an affair with a young girl working at his office.

Although the affair did not last for a long time, his infidelity caused deep wounds. He wondered whether his wife would leave him. To win her back, he gave her an expensive sari and a bottle of perfume. However, she rejected his romantic overtures. When she started questioning him about the affair he left home.

Rex drove to a nearby club and started drinking. He did not want his wife to leave him. He desperately wanted her company when he became sober. Instead of going into the house he waited in his car. Suddenly the front door of the house opened and his wife walked towards him with a sweet smile.


Every year, millions of people share the agony experienced by Rex and his wife. However much you are happy in your marriage, an affair can occur in the wake of a personal crisis. If something goes wrong in your business, you will try to boost your ego by having an affair.

Personal crises are common to husbands and wives. Ethel Person, a clinical psychiatrist, in her book ‘Dreams of Love and Fateful Encounters: the Power of Romantic Passion’ said, “If a woman is having a terrible time raising a child, she may need a femininity boost.” Both husbands and wives may be led into affairs during childbirth, the death of a family member or when they reach middle age.

Although Rex and his wife eventually reconciled, many couples do not do so. Infidelity has destroyed a large number of marriages. In most cases, divorces could have been avoided. When you are unable to cover an infidelity, you tend to take drastic decisions. Much harm can be avoided through discussion and reconciliation.

Betraying your partner is undoubtedly a serious offence. However, you should not rush to a lawyer and file a case for divorce. Family counsellors usually advise the betrayed partner to slow down and avoid overreacting. You cannot save your marriage if you remain confused.


When a husband’s infidelity is discovered, a wife may want to do tit for tat. Fighting fire with fire will never produce good results. Judith Seifer, President of the American Association of Sex Educators, said, “There’s nothing quite like the adrenalin rush from a retaliatory affair. But the psychic fallout that results from compromising your own values is often devastating. What is more, a betrayed partner should not take up a position of moral superiority. It will hamper any attempt to repair the damage already caused.”

When an infidelity is discovered, your notions of marriage will be shattered. Nothing will remain the same forever. You should be prepared to face sudden changes and accept each other’s flaws and strengths. If you look at it from a positive perspective, even an affair can make your marriage stronger.

If a husband or wife can be honest in revealing the details of an affair, it might help the reconciliation process. However, in reality, nobody wants to tell the truth because it will hurt. If you are serious about saving your marriage and the future of your children, the betrayer must put an end to his affair. This may seem something difficult to accomplish because an affair usually gives an emotional high to those facing crises.


Adultery – more common in the West than in the East – is not a panacea for life’s problems. A romantic affair outside marriage is an illusion difficult to sustain. When you are involved in an affair, you might believe that your lover has all the qualities your spouse lacks. The differences will emerge even in an affair after some time. That is the very reason that most affairs do not last long. Sometimes your marriage will be refreshed after an affair because the romantic illusion will disappear soon.

If you wish to preserve your marriage, you have to admit that you have done something wrong. If you do not do so, the healing process will be further delayed. Forgiveness from the innocent party will come only when you make a clean breast of yourself. If you fail to do so, your partner will be suspicious about you all the time.

Psychologists have suggested many ways to get over the problems caused by infidelity. The purpose is to save a marriage from crumbling down. The first step is to find a suitable time to talk about your problem in privacy. Such sensitive problems cannot be discussed in the presence of children or close relatives. You should not select a public place such as a restaurant to discuss your problems. Wherever you happen to be, discuss matters calmly and without getting angry.

Implied forgiveness

According to marital therapists, you should ask questions such as “What made you so vulnerable?” or “What did you bring back to our relationship?” Answers to such questions from either spouse will bring them together. A certain couple who faced a similar problem ended when the husband returned home and the wife not asking any questions. This may be a rare instance because a wife usually wants to know where her husband was. Anyway implied forgiveness can work wonders.

Sometimes returning to religion may help reconciliation. Just sitting together in a church or temple will make you feel happy after a brief separation. Even the advice offered by a priest or a bhikkhu will help you to reunite and start life anew.

When you live together with a partner for a long time, boredom may creep into your relationship. Sometimes the husband or wife may seek pleasure outside marriage. On such occasions, think of the days of your relationship and how you could not live without seeing each other.

All nail-biting post-marital affairs will give you only a temporary boost to your ego. Therefore, be aware of the dangers of such affairs.

[email protected]