There are a number of things that are important in life. The chief among them is relationships.
All of us have an innate desire to build relationships. We are born into this world because of relationships. As we leave, we take nothing but relationships with us. Parents and family; teachers and mentors; friends and colleagues; all have their rightful slots in this equation, as we agree that our life experience is enriched as a result of these interactions.
Yet, we trip and falter over the maze of relationships, frequently because of our human tendency to play the blame game and overlook some key areas.
Conflicts
One such area is conflict, which seems to be waiting to take place in interactions. Most often, the issues that we see in others are the very issues that first and foremost need to be dealt within ourselves.
When we go through trying circumstances, people may jeer at us, misinterpret our actions and do everything to harm us.
Unfortunately, when a relationship breaks down, we go on as if nothing has happened due to the fear of pain, rejection, embarrassment and shame. We tend to sweep the issue under the rug and resort to coping mechanisms which may deepen the problem. But, the good news is, when conflicts are challenged with positive energy, they tend to lose their sting.
Choice
The second key in relationship building is our capacity to choose. The irony about relationships is that they cannot always be chosen - they just happen in life. But, we are free to choose the way we handle each association.
When a relationship hits a rough spot, we should face it; do some immediate damage control by dealing with it until it is restored to its original status.
In a conflict situation you are given the choice either to split the ‘baby’ or allow the baby to live. The baby stands for something in which you have invested your efforts, resources and time. If you insist on your rights, you may end up having your way; minus the baby.
But, if you decide otherwise, then you will allow your investment to live, perhaps not under your jurisdiction but you can be proud that your dream continues to live on.
Spectacles
We wear spectacles because we need assistance with our sight. In relationship building, people tend to blur one another’s vision by writing on lenses what is uppermost in their minds or troubling them. We need to ask, at what level are we affected by others’ perceptions of us.
What effects do their words have on us? If we go through life with those writings on our spectacles, it will blur our vision. Therefore, we need to keep our specs clear to move on with life.
Shoes
Shoes represent equipping - skills, knowledge, talents, gifts you have gathered along; they ensure that you are fit for life’s journey and purpose. When people are threatened they tend to build walls. Use the shoes you wear, your skills and talents to reach out and create a friendly environment for those who feel insecure.
Let your gifts and knowledge take charge of your thoughts, feelings and reactions, and do not handover the power of controlling your fears and feelings to someone else.
Remember, the gift of forgiveness always heals relationships. Honour and value people for who they are, show genuine interest and win them over by building trust.
Take stock
From time to time, we need to take an inventory of our relationships and life. Our actions and time commitments usually reveal where our priorities lie. We need to ask ourselves what we are trying to accomplish through our relationships.
Many times, we play the victim mentality blaming others. This kind of behaviour will make it difficult to identify the actual problems.
Charles Kettering, the famous inventor attached to General Motors said, “A problem well stated is half-solved”. Let us not stop with only stating the problem, but take it one step further by defining the problem in terms of ‘us’ - how we have contributed to the issues.
Identify areas where you need to change. Focus on those issues and work on your responsibilities to become the person you want to be within a relationship.
In all this, take good care of yourself physically, mentally and emotionally. Self-care will keep you energetic and help you not to be a drain on yourself or others, because, you are the ‘best gift’ within your relationships!
(The writer is an HRD & Business Psychology Practitioner)