A few languages were reaching the top of the tower of Babel, where each race was cackling in one’s own mother tongue and English was almost rising to the top. Then, erupted the criticisms and bad names and jealousies. This language, the critics said, had too many blemishes. These were the corrective suggestions if English was to act as an Esperanto to language, and when rid of these faults that could go off as soon as the following flaws are got rid of.
I sat before the MD of the publishing house who had requested me to meet him on some assignment, but Graham Bell disturbed the conversation through his conveyance many a time making me just languish there counting day time stars.
Then, came the tea break and somebody who knew me, ambled to me and informed that he read my piece on ‘English, the victory language’. The MD overhearing this, remarked that I seem to write odes too.
No, I persisted, it was not at all an ode but an account of a singular instance when the victor was called some bad names and inflicted a period of punishment for five years instead of German or French. To make matters clear the instance in this case was a forum where a set of linguists sat to decide on the best medium in which different races could converse with each other.
A few languages were reaching the top of the tower of Babel, where each race was cackling in one’s own mother tongue and English was almost rising to the top.
Then, erupted the criticisms and bad names and jealousies. This language, the critics said, had too many blemishes. These were the corrective suggestions if English was to act as an Esperanto to language, and when rid of these faults that could go off as soon as the following flaws are got rid of. The complete eradication of that sweet C that is already encased in the letters S and K.
Then, all double letters to go off as in, till and roll and full.
Away with all silent letters that have no earthly purpose except to baffle the uninitiated. Strange. No linguist has so far protested over the nuisance of silent letters in the English language, the forum declared.
No. There was one, Tongue Kumarihamy of Matale all dressed up in Kandyan finery, with a padakkam on her ample bosom.
She too had her school going days where she pronounced the word ‘tongue’ as Tongu and was ever since nicknamed Tongu Kumarihamy in the HIGH school by the lake. Poor girl! Like Elaris Appuhamy she just got muddled with that U in tongue.
Huh! Huh! guffawed the MD, “From where did you get all these facts? From Reuter news?”
The query was certainly idiotic on his part for Reuter and Matale are so distant. Especially, Tongu’s walauwa stands on a lofty hill adjoining a tea estate in Sri Lanka that Reuter, the world famous news disseminator, will have to reach only by aircraft.
Just going off the tangent, even I was not aware of Reuter and for years had associated him with a garrulous and gossipy village woman (Reuter Akka) who carried swift news from one to another with even more alacrity than the famous media agency.
The village well canopied by a large kumbuk tree where bathers thrashed their backs with gusto was her central office. Now, the reader may be wondering as to what happened to the European Union and Elaris Appuhamy.
Sorry for all the diversions. Now I watched the MD pull out drawers and retrieve a file. Then he sieved through its contents, pulled out a postcard and handed it to me, saying,
“Madam. Long before the European Union, Elaris of Dehiattakandiya off Mahiyangana has done the job. Read this.”
These were the contents.
“I am in nolej of your magasin. Pleese send tuwenti copees of same to adres ,Elaris Appuhamy or Singho, Mahiyangana butik, Dehiattakandiya ,ew Town. I plan a news shop ther”
(Original ---I am in knowledge of your magazine. Please send twenty copies of same to address Elaris Appuhamy or Singho, Mahiyangana boutique. Dehattakandiya, New town, I plan a news shop there”. )
So he has already re-structured the English language minus any international mechanism and with malice to none except to the doyens of English..