A worried housewife rang a psychological counsellor for advice. He asked her directly, “What do you worry about?”
“Oh, there are one thousand and more things to worry about in the morning,” she said.
“What are they?”
“All the things I should do, ought to do, or what might happen throughout the day. I deal with the little worries in the morning but at night the big ones come out,” she said.
“Has anything bad happened?” he asked.
“No, there are no such serious problems in my life, but I worry anyway. I feel exhausted,” she said.
Psychologists say exhausting problems lead to excessive worry, but all such worries are not bad. When you plan anything, there are bound to be problems whether you anticipate them or not. However, you cannot do anything properly without planning.
The problem is that some people are overcome with excessive worry or what psychologists call ‘toxic worry.’ They say toxic worry is a disease of the imagination. It diminishes your ability to enjoy your life.
Marriage
Prem was trying to find a partner from the day he joined a certain organization. He came across many eligible girls of his age, but he could not make up his mind to marry any one of them. He was worried whether he would be able to maintain a wife and children. As a result, he kept on postponing his marriage until his retirement. Having lost his parents, now he is living with his sister who is married to a bank employee. When he sees how his sister enjoys life with her husband and children, he feels devastated.
Such worries derive from a misreading of reality. It is too late for Prem to make amends. He can no longer think of marriage. If you are worried about such a situation, you will lose your perspective. Whenever he gets a wedding invitation, his worries get renewed. When you lose perspective you forget that you are powerless in certain circumstances. If you start envying young married couples the situation will become worse. When you lose perspective, you will behave as if you have no control over your life.
If you are really interested, you can develop your perspective in many ways. One method is not to worry alone. When you worry alone, it intensifies the worry. If you have something to worry about, discuss it with a friend or a counsellor. This is an easy way to regain perspective. In the absence of someone who is willing to listen to your worries, you have an alternative. That is to talk to yourself. By doing so, you can develop a technique called ‘Cognitive Therapy.’ Never entertain the negative feeling that you are ruined.
Bad news
These days we are bombarded with bad news. Some people have given up reading or listening to news because it is depressing. However, nobody can block out bad news completely. Think of ways and means to overcome new problems such as fuel shortage and scarcity of food items. Listen to people who suggest new ways using the media. Take their advice seriously and act on it.
When you talk to yourself you will note how your thoughts and errors in logic reflect on your life. Never look at yourself as a loser. Always consider yourself as an achiever. This is another way to revamp your worrywart approach to life. You will have to practise such methods continuously for better results.
Another effective method is to keep a notebook to record your worries. Maintain it regularly and you will note that most worries will fly away in no time. Apart from that you have to exercise your body and mind regularly. They say ‘Mens sana in corpore sano’ (A healthy mind in a healthy body). If you can play a game of tennis regularly, you will feel less worried. You will notice that regular exercise including brisk walking reduces tension and drains excess aggression and frustration. It will also enhance a sense of well-being. You will be able to sleep well and think clearly. Exercise is perhaps the best natural anti-worry therapy.
Yoga exercises
Yoga practitioners have found that controlled breathing can reduce your worries. Even if you take a deep breath and let it out slowly, there will be some temporary relief. When you do it regularly, you will be able to manage your worries.
Man is a tiny part of the universe. Therefore always try to be a part of something larger than yourself. Start the connection programme with your family and then expand it to include friends and voluntary members of an organization. A network of friends and members of an organization will increase your connections with society. When you are busy with their activities you will never have time to worry.
How many of us have our meals with our family members? At dinner time most of us watch television or use mobile phones. You never care to stop such activities and get together to enjoy dinner with others. In the modern society we prefer to live with our technological equipment. This is a major cause for loneliness and frustration. If you wish to lead a happy and useful life, make connections with others.
Depression
Psychologists have found lower rates of depression among those who take part in religious activities. Some people pray, others worship religious icons such as Bo trees and stupas. However, some of us are not so religious. We can take to meditation. Even in the West meditation is being practised with very good results.
Always try to lead an organized life. When you are disorganized you are likely to undergo depression. Some people who are thoroughly disorganized very often misplace their car keys and important documents. If you tend to lose things very often, you are thoroughly disorganized. An organized person knows what he is doing and for what purpose. An organized person will start the day in harmony. In the meantime take part in hobbies which are not limited to children.
If you wish to lead a life without worry, keep away from alcohol and smoking. Some people promote moderate drinking. However, social drinking can lead to a habit. When you drink regularly, you become an addict. It is common knowledge that addicts have more worries than normal people.
Social species
We are social species. We cannot live alone. So, get close to your friends and well-wishers. When they are around you will not worry about anything. It is always good to associate with a few trusted friends. They will always be a source of inspiration.
Make firm determination to disengage from toxic worry the minute you feel it wrapping around you. For this to happen, you should not be seated all the time brooding over the past events. Walk around, meet people and talk to them. Spend some time communicating with your relatives and friends. If they are living in faraway places use the phone. However, do not be a phone addict. Read a challenging book that will open new vistas of knowledge. If you allow worry to take hold of you, it will be hard to escape from it.
Most of us love music. When you are unhappy over something listen to a song or instrumental music. In ways we do not yet understand, music reduces tension and anxiety while often improving our performance. If possible, make your home a place of music. Sing a song. If you are unable to sing, listen to someone singing. There is an old song which runs something like this:
“What’s the use of worrying?
It never was worthwhile
So pack up your troubles in your old kit bag,
And smile, smile, smile.”
Women usually cry to give vent to their pent-up feelings. They know that worries can be washed away with a torrent of tears. Men feel shy of crying although a few of them cry on certain occasions. A good cry can wash away bad worry.
Laughter is the antidote to worry. Laugh as much as you can because humour is the best way to deal with worry. Even during hard times you should be able to laugh! - [email protected]