Having to wait in a queue for a long time, death of a loved one, divorce, illness, mental fatigue or loss of a job are always painful. Sometimes people turn violent when they cannot bear up their suffering. Yet some people move through such transitions gracefully. Is there an art or science of dealing with a crisis situation?
Psychologists have studied the process of change in a crisis situation and identified certain distinctive strategies. They rely on optimism to grapple with a crisis. Christopher Peterson, a Professor of Psychology, says, “A popular misconception is that an optimist is naïve, but it is the pessimist who’s a lonely coper, the one blinded by a negative attitude to viable solutions. The optimist is happier, healthier and a better problem-solver. He says, “I’m going to handle this situation.”
That’s pretty much what Francis (not his real name) told himself after the initial shock of his personal crisis wore off. He had been working in a biscuit manufacturing company for more than two decades. Due to constant losses, the management decided to retrench workers. Francis was one of the victims. At 45, he had a wife and two kids. He also had bought a motorcycle on lease. He asked himself, “How am I going to make it?” Being an optimist he told himself that he couldn’t stop, he had to find something new.
Attitude
Soon after losing his job, Francis was visited by many creditors, notably the company which gave him a motorcycle on lease. When he said he had no income to pay the lease, an agent of the company told him that there were vacancies for salesmen. As he had never sold anything to anyone, he thought of dismissing the idea of joining the company as a salesman. However, on second thought, he decided to accept the offer.
Although he got the job, he did not have any background knowledge of selling. Then a friend lent him a book written by Martin E.P. Seligman, Professor of Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania.
Francis soon discovered that what made good salesmen was not so much aptitude as attitude. To be successful, a salesman needs a deep reserve of optimism to withstand constant rejections. Seligman believed that optimists tend to view setbacks as temporary rather than permanent. The idea pushed Francis to go ahead with his selling career.
One major advantage of being an optimist is that he believes that things will improve. Everybody knows that there is a severe shortage of fuel in the country. An optimist believes that the situation will improve sooner or later. Francis worked hard and his employer was impressed with his capacity for hard work. His salary was increased twice and he was set as an example for other salesmen. He proved the power of optimism to the best of his ability.
There are situations that are so terrible that it is difficult to view them with optimism. The death of a family member is one of them. When your parents or spouses die, they cannot be replaced. After grief there comes a wave of terror. Then you will not know how to deal with the situation. But an optimist would sit back and think whether it is worth wasting his time and energy.
Big picture
The best way to deal with such a devastating situation is to be busy with family members and your work. It will help you to distance yourself from the crisis. Ann R. Penberthy, a Clinical Psychologist, says, “You should be overwhelmed by the big picture. Then you will be able to get along for the rest of your life.”
Grace (not her real name) could never come to terms with when her husband filed a case for divorce. He was ready to pay her maintenance. However, she told him that she did not want any maintenance. Then she found a job in a company and worked there until her retirement. She had saved enough money to buy a house and she had no grounds to be sad. Today she lives alone without being a burden to anybody.
Grace later told a friend that the most vital ingredient of her resilience to cope with her personal crisis was “prayer.” She is a devout Catholic and believes what Dr Flach in his book “Resilience” says, “Prayer reminds us that there can be a design for our lives that we may not fully grasp but we can live up to it. We move with events as they evolve.”
Personal crises
In the Old Testament Job suffered repeated personal crises but he refused to turn against God. When Job’s trials ended he was rewarded handsomely. If you apply the same logic, a person undergoing a crisis situation will feel that he is being tested.
Such a severe test is necessary for you to receive a valuable reward. In a crisis, some people decide to put an end to their lives. But this is not a solution. If you cannot find a solution immediately, wait for some time until you get a good brainwave.
Even in a crisis, optimists do not ignore hard facts because they cannot change realities. This is the time to take inventory of your assets as well. Do you have any special skills such as writing, doll making, teaching or singing? All such talents can be put to good use.
Do not forget that you must find a way to earn some money. Without money it is difficult to survive today. Money increases your options. If you have saved some money in a bank, it will be useful in a crisis. Until you find a new job, you will be able to live in comfort.
Apart from money, you should have a network of relatives, friends or even neighbours who can offer you advice and moral support. Like money, they are an asset. They will always relieve you of psychic pain in a crisis. When a human is in a crisis, only another human can help. This is because we usually understand the suffering undergone by our friends.
Such a strong social network is necessary mainly after retirement or divorce. When you retire, your colleagues will not come to see you. When you are divorced, no married couples will come to your place. These are hard facts we cannot dismiss.
Crisis and conflict
One of the few books I have read and reread is Rozaine Cooray’s brilliant work “From Crisis to Character” published by Forte. The author says, “Crisis is a part and parcel of life, both internal and external. Some form of crisis and conflict is inevitable in any form of system. However, the problem lies less in the inherent nature of conflict but more in our response to it.”
Since a crisis is something you cannot avoid, you should be ready to manage it. Apart from seeking advice from somebody known or unknown to you, you can contact your “Wise Being.” Inside each of us there is a source of wisdom that we can call upon when necessary.
Part of our conscious mind knows absolutely everything about us, who we are, where we have been, and where we are going. All such feelings, thoughts and memories that we have banished from consciousness are hidden within us and hold the truth about us.
It is sometimes called “Wise Being” because he will always work to our advantage. Wise Being will not answer your questions in words. Sometimes, an image will appear that will hold some special meaning for you. So, if you are having a crisis, find a quiet place, sit comfortably and relax your body. Take a deep breath, visualize a lighted candle and see the flame flicker and sway until it becomes still. Wise Being will emerge from the flame.
Although we do not like crises, they toughen our fibre. The sisal from which string is made provides plenty of fibre when grown on poor, rocky soil. But in good soil it becomes too luxurious in its foliage and provides very little fibre at all. Similarly, it does not do any good to live too easy a life.
The first essential in dealing with a crisis is not to panic. An old farmer in the Canadian wilderness had ridden in, on horseback to a village shop. While he was in the shop, a boy dashed in and shouted: “Mr Cooper, your horse has run away.” The farmer turned slowly around and said, “Oh, well, he can’t run out of the world!” [email protected]