Mothers – the world celebrated Mother’s Day earlier this month, talked about the immensity of motherhood, the pains and struggles mothers go through to raise a child.
Today, we write about mothers in Sri Lanka who are in a constant battle with those in power to learn the whereabouts of their children who are missing. A struggle that mothers in Sri Lanka have a long history of inheriting, be it 1958, 1971, 1988-89 and 2009 and every year in between.
Visaka Dharmadasa can be described in numerous ways, founder and chair of the Association of War Affected Women (AWAW) and Parents of Servicemen Missing in Action, credited for bringing the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam to the peace table, nominated for a collective Nobel Peace Prize in 2005 as part of the 1,000 Peace Women Across the Globe and was awarded the prestigious Humanitarian Award in 2006 by Inter Action of Washington, a member of the South Asia Small Arms network, Women Waging Peace, and sits on the global advisory council of Women Thrive World Wide. But, first and foremost, she is a mother – a mother whose 21 year old son, a military officer, was reported missing in 1998.
Dharmadasa’s son went missing on September 27, 1998, when the LTTE attacked the military base in Vavuniya. Twenty years later, Dharmadasa still holds on to his clothes, even the bar of soap her son used when he was home last. Her husband died earlier this year, never learning the whereabouts of his son. She continues with her battle which she began in the year 2000, bringing together over 2,000 women in Sri Lanka impacted by the war.
“What we want to know is the truth,” she said – “truth as to what happened to our children. Mothers of the North and South, all of us who are in search of their disappeared want the truth. This is by no means to say justice takes a back seat, but we want information, we want to know what happened to our children. We want to make sure that this will not happen again to other families in future.”
Dharmadasa admits that the challenge is as a country to succeed in the process of learning the truth about what happened to the forcibly disappeared. That is also an important step to secure the future of this country so that the next generation does not have to worry about enforced disappearances. “That’s why we say ‘No More’ when demanding the truth.”
Political contextualising of enforced disappearances of North and South is a categorisation that Dharmadasa overlooks, as the love of a mother is universal.
She empathises with mothers in the North who have been protesting for over a year, each of them holding photographs of their sons who went missing during the last phase of the war, as well as with mothers in the South who sigh every time they celebrate a New Year, thinking of their sons who went missing during the JVP uprising in 1971 or 1988.
“I’ve met mothers in the North who are still trying to understand the horror of what happened, as well as mothers in the South who keep buying New Year clothes for their missing sons every year, for decades, hoping they’ll come home one day.”
She appreciates the significant attention placed on enforced disappearances, and the local and international support given to look into the issue. “This is something the South didn’t have when young men went missing during the youth uprisings.
The mothers in the South didn’t unite when their children went missing as it would have been perceived as a movement against the state and they had limited external support. Therefore, they couldn’t collectively come out. It was the same with the mothers of the missing servicemen who were directly told not to unite as a front by the previous regime.”
It’s a battle against state mechanisms and Dharmadasa applauds all mothers who have stepped into the forefront. “I have worked with mothers from the North and South, and as long as we keep politicians out, we have no problem working together.
The problem is that politicians of the North and South can’t work together,” she explained. “I was invited to an event on the disappeared held in Vavuniya. I was there with a group of mothers of missing servicemen. Out of the blue I was told by the organisers of the event that some politicians do not want me to make a speech at the event. I agreed.
But as soon as mothers from the North arrived, and sat down with me, and demanded a speech from me, the politicians and organisers became helpless,” she said, adding that there’s unity in diversity, as long as we recognise it, embrace it and use it against those who can solve this issue but don’t.
“Even during the war we had a good relationship with the mothers of the North. Not scarred by political influences, we are, and have always been, one group, sharing the same pain, trying to reach out to each other in various ways,” she said.
On a political level, she commended the establishment of the Office of Missing Persons. However, she also admitted that establishing the Commission is not enough, as they all want to ensure its proper implementation.
“Sri Lanka shouldn’t be too comfortable with this peace process, it’s derailed,” hence the skepticism. “The political solution this government promised is very important to stabilize the peace, and prevent another conflict erupting in the future.
It becomes more difficult when peace in the country is affected by other violent incidents such as in Kandy earlier this year. We, as a country should learn to celebrate diversity. Racism goes both ways, and all the communities must take measures to eradicate racism within themselves and the Government should support these measures,” she said.
The ugly political arena is new turf for the mothers to fight their battles. Today, it is mostly women who are fighting for the men who have disappeared.
Engulfed with the burden of losing a husband, father, brother, son, while learning new skills trying to make ends meet, it’s not an easy ride. “But we still fight because we want to find those we love who have gone missing, because we don’t want history to be repeated. We have all lost in this war”.