So, you’ve decided to do it. Life is impossible. Suicide is your way out.
Fine - but before you kill yourself, there are a few things you should know. I have with me Angela, a psychiatric nurse with 24 years’ field experience in two western countries. She has seen the results of suicide - when it worked and, more often, when it didn’t.
Consider these facts before you act: Angela says, suicide is usually not successful. Three months ago, she has seen a 25-year-old man who tried to electrocute himself. He lives. But both his arms are gone.
What about jumping? Angela quotes Timothy. He used to be intelligent, with an engaging sense of humour. That was before he leaped from a building. Now he is brain damaged and always needs care. He staggers and has seizures. He lives in a fog. But worst of all, he knows he used to be normal.
What about pills? Angela quotes a 12-year-old girl with extensive liver damage from an over-dose. Have you ever seen anyone die of liver damage? It’s a hard way to go.
What about a gun? Angela has treated a 24-year-old youth who shot himself in the head. Now, he drags one leg, has a useless arm, and no vision or hearing on one side. He lives through his “fool-proof” suicide.
Not glamorous
Suicide is not glamorous. You may picture a movie star in a slinky negligee drifting off to eternal sleep from an overdose of pills. But your picture omits a likely sickening reality: as she dies, her sphincter muscles relax, and that beautiful gown is soiled with her excrement. Who will clean your blood off the carpet, or scrape your brains from the ceiling? Someone has to do it.
Who will have to cut you down from where you hanged yourself, or identify your bloated body after you’ve drowned? Your mother? Your wife? Your son? The carefully worded ‘loving’ suicide note is of no help.
Those who loved you will never completely recover. They would feel regret, and an unending pain. And rage, because at that moment you cared only about yourself.
Not alone
Suicide is contagious. Look around at your family: sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, husband, wife. Look closely at the four-year-old playing with his cars on the rug. Kill yourself tonight, and he may do it ten years from now. It’s a fact that suicide often follows suicide in families, and kids are especially vulnerable.
Remember, you’re not alone. Did you know that most people will have thoughts of suicide at some point in their lives? It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It doesn’t mean you’re a weak person or that you’re not worthy. It means you’re human. And it means you’re in a situation that you want to be out of.
Suicide is a form of avoidance. Just like any normal human being, you also love to experience good feelings such as, love, joy, enthusiasm and motivation. You also love having good thoughts like, “I’m so happy” or “What an awesome day”. But, you hate boredom, anger, sadness. You hate it when you experience bad thoughts in your head.
If you’re feeling like killing yourself, most likely it’s because you’re in an awful situation that you want to be out of. That’s quite normal. Who wouldn’t want to get away from feeling terrible? However, when you’re thinking about ending your life, you’re experiencing extremes of thought and feeling, and no one could make decent decisions when one is under such stress and pressure.
Not the best time
Think once again. Is this the best time to make that decision? When you are experiencing extremes of emotion, it’s difficult to see clearly due to narrowed thinking.
When the thinking narrows, you cannot fully evaluate situations and make clear decisions. It’s not your fault, it’s just the way it is. It’s not a good idea to make a life ending decision in the midst of a personal crisis. So, what do you do about it?
Sit it out. The only thing certain in life is that things will change. There were many people who wanted to end it all, and at that time they thought it was the right decision. But, they were wrong.
Angela can guarantee you that things will change in time, and she encourages you to mark it on a calendar in your mobile phone or diary, if you doubt it.
Think about someone you love and someone who loves you. Think of your mother or your wife, for example. Imagine what this act would do to them. Don’t you feel guilty? If you think no one would care, it is a sign that you are not thinking clearly and it’s not a good time to make a decision.
When it comes to suicide, people always care. Even if you think there’s no one out there who loves you or cares about you, there is. It may be your parents, a friend, a lover, or even an acquaintance.
But, when someone attempts or commits suicide there is always at least one person (usually more) who says “I wish I could have done something”.
Choices
You do have other choices. There are people who can help you through this crisis. Call a hot line- Sri Lanka Sumithrayo, CCC line, Sahanaya. There are hundreds of people who work suicide hotlines because they care about you and your future. Or you may call a friend, your minister or priest. Call a doctor or a hospital, or even the police. They will tell you there’s hope.
Maybe your hope will materialize in the mail tomorrow. Or in a phone call this weekend, or when you meet someone shopping. You don’t know - no one does. But, what you’re seeking could be just a day, a month or a year away.
Everyday is a new day to fight, and a new day to recreate yourself.