Remaining single, the new normal | Sunday Observer

Remaining single, the new normal

11 June, 2023

Research indicates that adults comprising 38 percent were found to be unpartnered in 2021, as compared with 29 percent in 1990.

A decline in the rates of marriage is clearly noticed during the past three decades. Research further notes that over the past five decades, the rate of marriage has declined by almost 60 percent (Pandy, 2023).

It is reported that by the year 2021, there were 47.35 million of males who had never tied the nuptial knot, as compared with 41.81 million of females (Duffin, 2022). As per the statistics of the Institute for Family Studies, it is understood that during the past two decades, the number of people who belong to the cohort of ‘never married’ have increased from 21 percent to 35 percent which is an increase of 14 percent (Wang, 2020). Meanwhile, the scientific community finds that there are a countless number of reasons that make people avoid getting married.

According to Wang (2019), a clear majority of young adults take more time to decide on their marital status. The young women are seen mostly being interested in getting married relatively at the age of 29, while their male counterparts take two more years further to tie the knot and at 31, they get married.

Around the world, despite cultural constraints, researchers remark that the concept of “living together” has been a rather popular phenomenon since late. It is noted that for people living in a complicated world, living together concept is apparently a mode of a sound cohabitation that is able to be applied with an easy escape hatch, if the relationship becomes fragile.

Financial steadiness

Many Americans are of the view that as long as the income is not satisfactory, postponing the marriage seems advisable and it does not bring about too much of unbearable stress; financial steadiness is a crucial factor that contributes towards a relatively unstressed marriage.

It is also said that women predominantly prefer a man who is financially stable, able and capable. In this context, as the rate of unemployment escalates, the number of eligible men starts falling down. Meanwhile, emotionally driven factors may also decide on the marital status of the people concerned.

However, you need a certain degree of control as well. Viorst illustrates control as “The capacity to manage, dominate, exercise power over, influence, curb, suppress or restrain”. Both men and women who belong to the cohort of “never married” have got some specific tales that they may share which eventually make them adamant where they shun being committed to anybody.

Research further indicates that this particular conduct may range on a continuum from the element of never maintaining a relationship with somebody, even if short-lived, to the aspect of never tying the knot.

As far as the individuals who crave control are taken into perusal, it is clear that most of them complain about an authoritative and demanding parent; the type of parent who has got a “my way or the highway” approach.

Incompetence of parents

On the other hand, it is found that micromanaging parents might be a casual consideration. The rest that belong to the category of “never married” comment on the incompetence of their parents that has paved the way for the family fire not burning, losses and bankruptcies.

Addictive behavioural patterns of the parents are another contributory factor that create a situation where parents may pass the anxiety producing mayhem or bedlam unto their offsprings.

The other group of people who are never married are influenced by acts that happen outside their family. For instance, a woman who had been sexually molested at a fraternity party repeatedly swears that she would never ever let any party get close to her during her entire lifetime.

Similarly, another young man whose bride had abandoned him at the altar vehemently says that he would not be ignorant and stupid in such a vulnerable way hereafter. Researchers state that a large number of individuals who are never married are also distinguished as being relatively happy and relaxed, regardless of their status in life.

As long as you are not in a chronic state of loneliness and self-imposed seclusion, there is no reason to be worried. It is not strange to find that almost everyone likes having a considerable control over their world of affairs as much as they can. A considerable number of individuals who have never married seem to enjoy the bliss of freedom rather than their married counterparts do.

There is none perhaps except your boss who would command or ask you what you got to do where it is evident that only seldom, they may experience the feeling of being duped, beguiled, and inveigled.

They may purchase what is needed for them whenever or wherever they need them while getting involved with the kind of hobbies which please them, unless otherwise they are influenced by the immediate kith and kin, as predominantly happens in some Asian cultures where the unmarried individuals in the family, notably the females are frequently being influenced by their parents, male siblings and even relatives.

However, unmarried individuals are mostly seen mingling with like-minded people, either never married or single people with whom they may enjoy fantasies in life. Whatever the facts may be, yet there remains a question.

Do unmarried individuals at times feel lonely? The answer is “Certainly yes”, but not sufficient enough to make the decision to get married. Provided that they have ample resources, particularly if they are financially independent and well settled, they can be comparatively happy and contented.

Most unmarried individuals who seek assistance in the aspect of dealing with their parents or the family members may insist that they find their lifestyle being more conventional, not because of the fact that they do not have happiness with their choice of marital status; a large number of married people are not able to declare the same. According to some philosophers, marriage is a citadel, where those who have already been there struggle to return while others who have not yet been there struggle to visit.