Five years has gone so fast. I never thought I would write a column like this in my life. Strange are the swirls that entangle us. My son, my hero, left the physical world at a time we did not expect. Perhaps the most painful experience for a parent is to see a sibling passing away before him or her. It was a key challenge of emotional maturity from a managerial point of view. Today’s column reflects such intriguing insights.
Overview
“Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.”
I found much consolation in the above verse from the poem, ‘The Prophet’ by Kahlil Gibran, the Lebanese born legendary. It highlights the need to detach from the dearly beloved children, amidst devotedly raising them. It highlights a mature level of understanding required to have caring commitment in upbringing children with a mind “willing to let go”.
It reminds me of what I came across in an Indian management journal ‘Nishkam Karma’. It is a term derived from the revered Hindu text, Bhagawad Gita, literally meaning detached involvement. Performing work, accepted on the basis of agreed remuneration, with little calculation or comparison with others, or concern for additional personal recognition, gain or reward during or completion of the work.
A verse in Bhagavad Gita enunciates the principle of Nishkam Karma as: “Thou hast a right to action, but only to action, never to its fruits; let not the fruits of thy works be thy motive, neither let there be in thee any attachment in inactivity.”
In hindsight, the surprise departure of my son challenged me, my wife, and my elder daughter to experience detachment and to continue in the maturing journey of life.
It was indeed challenging to shift from being negative to positive, because of human frailties. Spiritual solace was one solid path we as a family treaded on.I read somewhere that the age of the universe is approximately 13.8 billion years. How can we compare a minute period of say maximum of 100 years with that? Needless to compare approx. 13.8 years with the earthly life of my son.
In simple terms, the time we spend on earth is far less than the time we are in “another form elsewhere”. That’s what spirituality tells us that we are not mere human beings but spiritual beings having a brief human experience. My son poignantly taught that profound truth to us.
“My hero”
Devnaka Abhisith Nadeepa Dharmasiri, my younger son had to leave earth on August 8 before his 14th birthday on September 28, 2016. He was a grade 9 student at Royal College. He left me, Ruklanthi, my wife and Navodi, my elder daughter. The shock and surprise experienced not only by us, but many others were indeed significant. He was an all-rounder with a flair for music and favor for technology. He was loved by everyone who had an encounter with him. This was evident in the way students, teachers, relations, and friends alike emotionally responded upon hearing his sudden demise. Being a junior prefect and a chorister at Royal College, he was in the limelight as a bright and obedient student.
I learnt a lot by being with him. My association with him gave me many opportunities to discover him. As a life-long learner in management, it was indeed “reverse mentoring” in action. Me from Generation X (those who were born approx. 1960-1980), was being mentored by a young boy from Generation Z (those who were born approx. 2000 onwards). His departure created an initial void in a growing relationship between two “learning partners” comprising a father and a son. Now it is far more spiritual. Rather than being negative, we as a family strive to be positive in celebrating the loving earthly life of our “ever living son in heaven”.
Lessons I learnt
Sadly, but surely, I learnt a lot from my son Nadeepa. He despite the relatively shorter stay of 13.8 years on earth, has created an impact in many lives. I am compelled to reflect on them again and again through the use of ten Cs.
Cheerful
I learnt how to be cheerful from him. He was always with a smile. This was repeatedly mentioned by his friends who came to pay their last respect.
When I was stressed and tired, his warmth and cheerfulness was a relief for me. From early childhood, he was a “hugging” boy. He used to request from me and his mom, “give me a big hug”.
A flying kiss was a regular feature when he was half asleep when I had to leave early in the morning. He was the cheer generator at home front. The popular prescriptions of positive thinkers were very much evident in little Nadeepa.
Caring
He was a guardian to his elder sister Navodi. He was conscious of the fact that she was struggling with the pressures of GCE AL. He had to sacrifice many excursions because of Navodi’s AL encounters. His care was aptly experienced by my parents as well as Ruklanthi’s parents. The way he was showing his genuine love for me, Ruklanthi and Navodi was a classic case of caring. He showed us how we should care for each other through timely action.
Committed
The way school teachers appreciated Nadeepa was such a delight for us as parents. He was one whom the teachers could have confidence in assigning a task. He showed this very well both as a primary prefect as well as a junior prefect. The fundamental elements of commitment we encounter in management could be seen in him.
Confident
Nadeepa was a member of the “Inspirational Choir” who sang the welcome song at the airport when Pope Francis visited Sri Lanka in the year 2015. He had made many speeches in front of large audiences and sang many times in a variety of entertainment events.
He fell down in a pool and broke his ankle one year before his departure. Subsequently, he was on clutches for two months. Yet, he never lost his spirit. All these were signs of his confidence. I humbly admire his ways, compared to where I was at his age.
Carefree
My son never skipped sports. He enjoyed playing cricket and soccer with his friends. He also enjoyed playing computer games. Though I did not understand what it really meant, he told me that he is a clan leader in virtually playing the “clash of the clans”.
He often told me and Ruklanthi not to be too serious. We in fact were worried at times, whether he is neglecting his studies. Yet, he proved otherwise in passing exams with flying colours. I learnt how to be relaxed yet stay in focus, from him.
Collaborative
He was a natural team leader. There had been many instances where he played a key role in organizing class parties, trips, and other events. The way others rallied around him was amazing. He knew how to gather friends for a worthy cause. Whilst I was teaching teamwork, he really demonstrated it in his own way.
Creative
Nadeepa was naturally creative on many fronts. He was writing poetry and composing songs. He was handy with the camera I bought from the USA and took many uncommon shots. He won many creative writing competitions. What I insist on being creative, I saw clearly in my son.
Curious
I saw the curiosity in him the way he asked many intelligent questions, especially when we were travelling together. He wanted to think deeply and to probe. No wonder, how he found science his favorite subject.
At times, I felt he wanted to challenge the assumptions and have a fresh way. What I was teaching as “out of the box thinking”, I saw in his own original approach.
Credible
As a junior prefect, Nadeepa demonstrated credibility to the fullest. He was trustworthy in executing the assigned tasks bog or small. That’s why teachers approached him as the preferred choice in getting work done. Whilst being credible is a major challenge in corporate fronts, the way he demonstrated it was truly remarkable.
Complete
Nadeepa wanted to be a scientist and a priest. That may sound as a unique combination. He was spiritual by nature. I saw a young pure heart brimming with genuineness in him. He was having asthma but got quite used to an inhaler.Strangely, he experienced an acute asthmatic attack resulted in a struggle at the Medical Intensive Care Unit (MICU)of Lady Ridgeway Hospital for three days.
Way forward
I still recall watching through the glass door of the MICU whilst Ruklanthi was inside sitting close to Nadeepa. She consoled me saying, “he is too precious for this world”.
One smile for all,
One heart of Gold,
One of the best this world could hold.
Never selfish, always kind,
Many hearts warmed with your gifts,
Many souls touched with your voice,
Glorifying God was always his choice,
What a beautiful memory,
to leave behind.
We have created Nadeepa Dharmasiri Memorial Trust Fund (NDMTF) with the website glorytogodthronadeepa.info to assist needy children of his age.
Slowly and steadily, it serves many deserving souls without any pomp and pageantry. I increasingly experience better contentment as an earthly father having a “son in heaven”. Thank you, Blessed Nadeepa for being with us then physically and now spiritually. You will lovingly remain with us till we join you one day.